Monday, August 15, 2016

Not Bad Decisions

Have you ever made a decision that later you realize was not the right one? Not that you decided to sin, but actually a positive decision, but it just wasn't right for you.

God guides us if we ask. Even as Christians, I think we sometimes make choices that aren't in God's plans. I've been guilty of that in the past. One would think that as you mature in the Lord, you wouldn't do that.

So what did I do that I shouldn't have? I started working on a new Master's degree. In and of itself, that's not a bad thing. The problem is, I failed to actually pray about it and to consult with my family especially my husband. I just assumed that because it was a positive move to improve some of my skills in order to have the "credentials" to do something that I would like to do, that it was alright.

These last 2 weeks have beaten me up pretty good. Finally, last night, I sat down with my husband alone and talked about what we, as a couple, would like to be able to do in the near future and as empty nesters.

This is daughter #1's junior year in college with a lot of extracurricular activities. She still needs her mother from time to time to come to the rescue, so to speak. And, it's daughter #2's last year of high school. She also has extracurricular activities that I'd previously promised that I would be available to help. I will not break my promise to my children or not be there for them if I can help it.

Finally, my husband has some probable work changes within a few months where we will finally be able to bring some normalcy to our lives and spend more time together and go places together. This is something I've waited for for over 18 years.  It is an answer to a persistent prayer where we've been in a wait mode for so long.

So, I made a decision, however positive it might be, that is stressful, time consuming and counter to what I've prayed about for years. It was bogging me down, just 2 weeks into it with such a weight on my shoulders.

So the remedy, to get back to where I need to be, became clear in our conversation last night. I am withdrawing from school today. This wasn't as tough as I thought it would be. I am not a quitter. But sometimes we have quit the things that don't make sense in our lives.

As I told daughter #2 last night when she jokingly asked "what kind of example is that for me? Maybe I should just quit too." I reminded her that I already have a high school diploma, an Associates degree, a Bachelors degree and a Masters degree. I'm not a quitter. I'm just refocusing on my family. When I think about the next 13 years (pre-retirement years left), what will matter most? The time with my family is of paramount importance while making a decent living for us until I retire.

When I reflect, daughter #1 asked me, out of the blue, on Saturday, if I had my life to live over again, would I still do the same thing, career wise. My answer was a NO. I made easy, positive choices along the way which has led me to where I am. I took a single class in high school that I liked, which led to my Associates degree where I took other classes that pointed me in the direction of my Bachelors degree. I then took a second job for a while that lead me years later to a Masters degree. Not that any of that was bad, but it was a haphazard way to figure out what to do in life to make money

God can and will use whatever your life situation is to bring glory to Him. But I wonder if I could have been a greater witness if I had asked for direction for my vessel instead of just asking for my vessel to stay afloat.

For now, I will work the job that I have until it is time to move on to something else. But in the meantime, my life's pleasure and purpose will be about my family, my home and most importantly, my Lord.