I think sometimes I'm my own worst enemy. I was so sure that I wouldn't have any problems whatsoever in going back into the IT world after my stint with teaching was over. I thought that because I was good at what I did and I was very successful that I would have no problem at all. In looking back over my working career in the IT field, I can't remember a time since the mid-1980's that I've had to talk to over 2 companies to ever get a job. My reputation and hard work has always been something I could count on.
I've taken employment tests and always been #1. I've had a test period at other jobs and been the only one kept. I've been on contract assignments with lots of other contractors and been the only one hired on full-time. My ego has been stoked over and over by praise, promotions and substantial raises, that I soon began to believe that it would always be that way.
Now, after 5 years away from the IT world full-time, I find myself in a very unusual and humbling position. What I thought was not going to be a problem at all has turned out to be a very big one. I am now quite anxious about the future. Although I know WHO holds the future, I am anxious about the unknown of what that might be.
However, for someone like me who has always worked, it is awfully hard to sit back and wait. It's as though I'm sitting in a revolving chair and watching the world go by. I can't even do the normal things around my house because I've become obsessed with sitting down at the computer and trying to turn over every rock that I find to see if I can get a bite.
A part of me just wants to give up and see if all of my feelers, resumes, job applications, friends or whatever I've tried to connect with at some point comes up with a job. Another part of me says to keep on going. So regardless of what I do, I'm finding out that sometimes God doesn't say yes or no, but sometimes He says wait. So I'm waiting. I'm trusting that the Lord will provide for my family's needs and that it will be a lesson that I can learn from.
I've always believed that when one door is closes another one opens up. It might be that the other door is at the end of a very long hall.
